things I think about

...but haven't stopped to write down.

#1. The other day while cleaning ferociously to reclaim my house from back to back vacations and reckless abandon while playing with family that came into town, I got this song stuck in my head. My parents made it up when we were little (I was probably 3) and when we'd go on a campout (which we did often) we would sing this around the campfire.

It starts with a verse about my parents meeting each other, and then a verse about each of us 7 children, (each verse followed by the chorus). And in case you're confused....Thomason is my maiden name. I will share with you my verse & the chorus.

"Now Lindsay's the girl who has eyes for her Grandpa. She laughs & she giggles & flirts all the while. 'I do it myself' is her favorite sentence. But after she does it her eyes surely smile."

"Thomason! is a great name! It will be put in the great hall of fame! We'll all stick together cause a family's forever. Loving each other is our favorite game."

I can't tell you how many times in my life that I've accomplished something that's a big deal to me and that verse will come into my head. And I like that.


#2. I run at night. And I change it up all the time as far as where & when to be safe. At times I've run through the streets of our neighborhood in the dark. People's little lives are glowing through the windows and it makes me think a lot. About living here & leaving here. And I'm not sure I even know how to say what I feel, except that I do. I feel like....You know when you feel a chapter close in your life or you feel a big lesson learned or you feel changed in a way and you take a moment to recognize it? That's how I feel. Living here has changed me. It's made me a lot more aware of a lot more things.  I'm grateful for it.

I run past an empty dark house and remember the man who lived there. The man I met and his shy little wife. Every time I saw him I thought of one of my best friends in college, because they looked & acted alike. So I immediately liked him. Christmas time came around and I'd only made up so many neighbor gifts. They don't live on my street and they weren't on my mind. My kids & I were out delivering the gifts & ended up driving by their house. I only had one left and it was meant for someone else. But I felt like I should give it to them. But my head won out over my heart and I determined that the person it was intended for would feel left out without it. So I delivered it to the family on the tag, and not to the man & his wife. The next Sunday, on our way to church, we passed the house. There was a police car in front and later that day we were told the man had died that morning. I regretted it. The house foreclosed and the little wife and new baby moved away. And now I run past the empty dark house and remember how important it is to listen to your heart.

Each glowing window I pass I think of the family inside. And I go through a lot of emotions as I do. 

I see a man walk the streets with hooks for hands and legs under pants that aren't real legs.

I see people walk to work because they have no other choice.

I see friends help each other ALL THE TIME. I see a lot of giving. And sometimes those on the receiving end don't know and I see hatred directed toward the person who showed love anonymously. And it makes my heart hurt and I don't know how to fix it.

I see teens make bad choices and I struggle with what that means for them.

I see a mother leaving a whole family of children and them being grateful that she's gone.

I see families patched up together and happier children & parents because of it and that makes my heart smile. To see what once was sad become happy again amidst the struggle.

I see people struggling to make life better without money. And succeeding.

I see friends who instantly bring a smile to my face and make my world a happier place.

I see people who have made me grow. People I won't ever forget.

And these things can happen anywhere, but they happened here for me.

#3 Clay invited friends to our house a couple weeks ago. I was a wreck about it. And it turned out great. Me being a spaz about being a hostess can be viewed rudely I think. I realized that it could come across as me underestimating a friend. I've never thought of that before. It really did turn out great and she loved my house and being here. It surprised me and made me really really happy. So I might do it again sometime.